Being old is a fulltime job

Sending medical alerts to people over 60 must be the only way to keep the Postal Service going. Sometimes medical alerts fill up my inbox, text messages and emails. I wonder why they can’t make an annual pit stop, like a mechanic, they check my oil (cholesterol), change my brake pads (knees), and refocus the headlights (eyes). Then, like a mechanic, they can issue a termination letter and keep me registered for another year.

I’m not saying medical staff aren’t well-meaning people. I’m not saying they use me like an ATM, withdrawing money on a regular basis. I’m not saying – and I really am not – that they pay for private schools.

Much sought after patient Richard Glover.

Much sought after patient Richard Glover.Credit: Dominic Lorimer

I believe they have studied my possibilities and concluded – after seeing me first hand – that they all need to rush to me.

Still, how many dates can a person have? Over 60 starts to feel like a full-time job. “What do you do for work?” a well-meaning young man might ask at a barbecue. “Oh, I’m in my 60s. That means medical appointments most mornings, a surgery or two a year, vaccinations like needle pads, and then I’m doing what I can to find paying employment.”

At this time, even the kindest young people find they need fresh beer.

It’s not just medical appointments. It’s also a barber. Unless a person is gifted with baldness, anyone over the age of 60 must visit the barber at least once every five weeks.

There was a time in my life when I let my dates slip. I’d stay for 10 or 12 weeks, and during that extended period of time, just go from schmuck to slob, or snooty to hippie, or at best, tidy to hipster. no longer. Once you’re over 60, it becomes important to extend the two weeks after your normal hair appointment. It’s the difference between “a well-preserved old dog” and “reminds me of an Unabomber.”

Who knew that middle age required such constant effort?

Keeping your weight gain at horrendous levels is another full-time job.Luckily our family has been watching the SBS series alone, in which contestants try to survive in the Tasmanian wilderness with limited tools. Really smart competitors put on 10 or 12kg before starting so they can survive in their ‘shop’.


This is great news for me. Now, whenever Jocasta asks for my second beer or third nut, I give it to her directly. “I’m going through the next series of training alone. You never know when a contestant will drop out at the last minute and the phone will ring. It’s best to be ready at all times. “

Which brings us back to medical appointments. I should thank the medical community for their care.

when the call comes from alone Come on, I need sharp eyes. I need the knee my physical therapist hopes to give me, and the cancer-free skin. If I only respond to my dentist, I will need as good teeth as I can have.

As for my hairstyle, that’s probably the most important thing. After all, I will be on TV.

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