I could write something smarter about the new season white lotus, located in the beautiful island of Sicily. I have a lot of bright thoughts about this show’s exploration of power dynamics, friendship, class, and wealth.
However, here is the ranking of the main characters white lotus In the order I invite them back to my hotel room. If only I could get them out of the hotel restaurant.
harper
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Harper is a scrappy, sarcastic brunette who wears incredible costumes and likes to get drunk and rowdy. She will end up at the top of my list without a doubt. It was foreseen, it was written centuries ago.There hasn’t been a more obvious winning pick since Kelly Clarkson in season one American idol.. I don’t know what it said to me, but I like my woman with a little bit of anger under the surface. I like the way Harper is confrontational and not intimidated by men. All I want is for her to stomp angrily in my hotel room for hours.
Lucia
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Based on anecdotal evidence in the form of text messages from friends, and the steam rising from people’s ears whenever she’s on screen, I think Lucia will be the Numero Uno (in Italian) on many others’ lists. For good reason. She’s obviously stunning in all obvious ways, capable of grabbing the attention of every idiot man around, but she’s also incredibly charming and intelligent. She reads people and quickly figures out how to use them to achieve what she wants. I would invite her to my hotel room, fully understanding that she would cheat on me and convince me to give her all the money in my wallet and bank account – and I would smile when I handed it to her.
Ethan
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Ethan obviously Very Charming, but it wasn’t until episode five, when he went up against Cameron, that he really locked down his top spot on my list – the most erotic thing a man can do. In that scene, Ethan also taught me “mimic desire”. You know how rare it is for a straight guy to tell me something that sounds interesting enough for me to Google after he’s gone? In episode 6 he loses me again for being jealous (partially due to Harper) and bad at communicating (only have sex with your beautiful wife, for God’s sake), but Ethan for upstairs Invitation to work hard, he deserves it.
Tanya
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Tanya is dramatic, demanding, loud, damaged, charming and annoying. She immediately shared her trauma and feelings with everyone. This is queer culture.most realistic part white lotus, in fact, any show that airs is a bunch of gay men who are hooked on seeing Tanya. I’m also instantly hooked. I would see her sobbing loudly over drinks at the dinner table, wondering everything about her. She was eccentric and tall in high heels, and undoubtedly smelled good. I don’t know what that night will be like, but I know it will be unforgettable, and I will follow her crazy ideas to the ends of the earth.
dominica
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Dominique was supposed to be someone I was completely uninterested in, other than to encourage him to start having six or seven sessions a week.He’s a middle-aged heterosexual man with a sex addiction that pissed off his wife so much that they needed to make iconic screamer Laura Dern a sound Yell at him on the phone. However, he lands here, in my top five.this is the greatest white lotus all mysteries. I can’t explain it. All I can say is that there is something special about Michael Imperioli.he has a little I have no idea, As the Italians say.OK, admit it: I don’t know if they say that, I just put I have no idea Go into Google Translate and convert it from French to Italian.the point is, he has italian I have no ideaI look forward to the regretful and embarrassing breakfast we share together.
Valentina
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It’s hard for me to reveal that Valentina, one of the few queer women on the show, isn’t high on my list. She’s beautiful, she wears incredible lesbian outfits, she feeds stray kittens, and she commands men all day long. These characteristics usually indicate the perfect woman. However, Valentina has been feeling uncomfortable and inappropriate with her employee Isabella, which I’m not happy with. But she’ll also upgrade the hotel for me and we’ll go back to better rooms – so she’s number six. But alas, she’s also a beautiful sad queer woman – who am I to deny the natural and right end?
daphne
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You may be wondering why I didn’t place Daphne higher. She’s stunning, funny, and one of those women you find most attractive when they’re a little mean to you and don’t know why. It should have nothing to do with high school. Unfortunately, I bring an unfair personal problem. Daphne is played by talented actress Megan Fahy. Fahy played the character Sutton in the TV series Bold, she is wonderful, I have a platonic feeling of love for her, which has been transferred to Daphne.I’m proud of Fahy too white lotus Work and do it so well, it’s like we’re friends in real life, which we’re not anyway. Still, I respect her too much to put her at the top or bottom of the list, so she’s safely in the middle.
mia
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Don’t yell at me, I know it looks low class. She’s obviously attractive, but I don’t think she’s a very attractive pianist.i think she is really cute [REDACTED] and [REDACTED] In the hotel room in episode 6, but I don’t want to invite them to my hotel room while disrespecting their art. sorry!
Jack
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Jack was removed from his established position very near the bottom of the list [EROTIC SPOILER] We saw it in episode five. Until then, I’m not interested. I hate his vibe, his unearned confidence, his ridiculous fake tattoos.he just looks so English. He appears on screen as if he left the set love island, I would love to live on an island if it means never having to interact with someone like him.However, I tolerate him more easily now and like him more afterward [EROTIC SPOILER]. I’m easy to court, you just need to work on my specific interests.
Portia
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A lot of people find Portia annoying, and I totally get that, but she’s also annoying in a very real way that I developed a soft spot for her. She’s young and wears an ugly bucket hat that blocks blood circulation to her brain, so she makes stupid decisions. It’s okay, she’s fine, we’ve all been there aren’t we babes? I’ll invite Portia back to my hotel room and she’ll drink all my booze and vomit and cry and I’ll pull her hair back and tuck her in and she’ll sneak out with one of Tinder’s Disgusting guy hooking up, I’ll just shake my head and smile.
Quentin
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Quentin is the only person I actually want to spend time with*. I want him to sit on the couch in my hotel room, smoke indoors, and drink expensive wine (I think it tastes like Aldi wine) while he pokes at my life. I want him to tell me long stories and I absorb it like a sponge. Then we take a shower together.
*Unless my fears are confirmed and he blackmails Tanya, in which case I’ll be visiting the Italian Mafia.
Burt
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From here on, we really dregs, you drink a little grainy coffee because it has at least some caffeine in it. Bert is obviously a bad guy, but I guess he has a little spark in him. He can hold a conversation, likes to drink, and if he can be normal for a few hours (he can’t), he’ll probably be a pretty good guy. Luckily, if he got confused and tried to grab my ass thinking he was on a business trip with his secretary in 1961, I could easily physically destroy him.
greg
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Vile, vile, vile people. Scary leprechaun. I want him to be punished. I would take him to my hotel room and torture him for the crimes he committed against Tanya (make him listen to every episode of my podcast).
Albee/Cameron
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That’s right, this is a historic draw! To me, Albie and Cameron are two sides of the same loathsome coin, and I’d rather invite a vampire into my room than invite either of them. It’s like Jason v. Freddie, or Cuck v. Jerk. Creator Mike White does a great job of painting two very different portraits of modern masculinity and making them both equally unattractive. The actors are handsome, but the atmosphere is not right. Cameron is arrogant, entitled, and shadowy. He gives me the creeps. His hatefulness is closer to the surface, but disguised as confidence and small talk.
Albie, on the other hand, is quiet-spoken, passive, and often says the “right” thing on social issues, aware of her own privilege. He’s young and a little naive, but he already comes across as a typical self-proclaimed feminist, an ally. He’s a man who criticizes other straight men’s behavior towards women, while also secretly (I think) expecting sex as a reward for being kind and saying the right thing. I won’t say I wish these two were dead, but I do hold out some hope that I’ll soon have a reason not to invite them to my hotel room. once.
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